My Beloved
by Completely Unstable
Summary: Everything went to a stand still. All I could see was the smoke and fire and flying rocks. The downed soldiers and the panic. We were forced to retreat that day. And ever since then, I couldn't smile. He was gone. My beloved, was dead and I could do nothing about it. WARNING: Character death, suicide, and lightly suggested lemon GerIta oneshot


**This is my first try at a GerIta fic, so it might not be stellar. Read please!**

**Disclaimer: The day I own a popular anime series is the day hell freezes over.**

**WARNING: Lightly suggested lemon, character death, suicide, and way too much angst.**

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For the longest time, we had our fair share of stolen glances and shrugged off hints. Me just being myself, was always to shy to make an obvious approach. But _him, _it touched me to the bottom of my heart, his shyness. It contrasted in the most attractive and sweet way with his appearance and personality. His strong, broad shoulders, razor sharp facial features, and his deep accent that could make the cruelest quake in fear. I should be scared of him, really, but the moment I sank into those crystal blue eyes, I drowned in them, forever trapped.

And what was I? Nothing more than a frightened man hiding from the people around him. I couldn't help but lose any sense I had when I was confronted with this intimidating man. He carried himself confidently, and you could automatically tell he was no weakling.

So when we became allies, I was ecstatic. Nothing better in the world could've happened to me.

He started training me til my bones ached, but up with my lethargic behavior and can't-do attitude. Even my own brother would've started scolding me. But he was so gentle. I could see it in his eyes, despite the tone he used to keep me on my toes. And, oh my goodness, all of the times I've been captured and he's come to save me, despite the circumstances just made me so happy.

I remember when he told me he loved me for the first time. I was a fool and thought he meant as friends, ignoring the blush on his cheeks. But when I heard those words, _"Ich liebe dich" _I was in high heaven with no chance of coming down any time soon.

Just when I thought I couldn't be in any more bliss, he proved me wrong. I believe it was three or four years ago when it happened, when he confessed. We were in the middle of another training session and he was teaching me how to use various weapons. One of the weapons he handed me had, unfortunately, been a grenade he expected me to use correctly. But since I can't get anything right, I stuck the thing in my mouth for the hundredth time. Usually he snatched it from me as soon as he heard it ticking, but he was a bit ... distracted. The few seconds longer it was in my mouth could've easily killed us, but he managed to grab it and toss it just before it exploded. It blew up pretty close to us, enough for it to send rocks and debris showering over us. By reflex, he tackled me to the ground, efficiently covering me from anything that flew our way.

After everything settled down, he pulled me to my feet and fretted over me like a mother would. When I told him it was no big deal, he started yelling, saying that I should be more careful because one day, he wouldn't be there to save me. He said that if I was killed, he would be angry because we were going to fight together and I'm not going to die as long as far as he's concerned. I reminded him that he had another ally other than me, and he grumbled something in his native tongue, and said that he wasn't talking about wars or allies. Then, he roughly pulled my face to his, causing me to grab his shoulders to anchor myself to reality. It was pure euphoria, being this close to him.

The kiss started chaste, but ended up fast-paced and feverish, leaving us both panting. We returned to his home shortly, and, well ... became as close as two lovers could be, you could say. Never before have I felt that much passion for one person in a single night, and waking up in his arms the next morning was even better.

Our time together was the best it could ever be, and even in the grave times of war, we were inseparable. But it was war that eventually tore us apart.

We were both at a base somewhere along the French border, gunfire raging through the air. I had ran to retrieve more ammunition for him, keeping my head ducked in the soldier-filled trench. He was waiting for my in a small alcove built with sandbags, rapid-firing at troops I didn't dare peek my head out to look at. When I made my way back, I saw a small object get tossed in the gunman window that he fired out of. The last thing I saw was his wide eyes, filled with panic. I was still running to him when he moved his palm up to halt me before I got close, then ...

The enemy grenade exploded. Shattering the only thing that mattered to me in a fraction of a second while I could only watch, completely helpless.

Everything went to a stand still. All I could see was the smoke and fire and flying rocks. The downed soldiers and the panic. We were forced to retreat that day. And ever since then, I couldn't smile. He was gone. My beloved, was dead and I could do nothing about it.

I have been sinking in my own turmoil since, and I doubt I can find my way out. Twice, I had my heart shattered because the person I cared about would never be breathing before me. Now, I feel as if I am without purpose. Just a husk of the energetic man I used to be.

I write this as my last words to say to the world, for there is nothing left for me anymore. I can no longer love, nor can I be happy. I shall join my beloved shortly. I believe I was not meant to be anywhere else but at his side, and that is where I will be. I know with my passing, I will bring many of my friends mourning, but I cannot live like this any longer. I may have my family, my stronghold, and others who care about me, but I've lost my beloved.

_My Germany._

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